Boris Yeltsin, Miracle Mud, and Frasier on a Dixie Cup

Because I am a parent of an almost-four-year-old child, I can’t count the number of times I’ve said, “Do NOT jump off of the furniture!” Inevitably, less than desirable choices are made, and I see my Hayes in slow motion jumping off of the couch as he yells, “CANTALOUPE!” I tried to hide my laughter, but my first impulse was to reach for my journal to write down his funniest moments, lest I forget them in the sea of doctors’ appointments, grocery lists, and other bits of life that take up my ever-shrinking brain space.  Fresh from my proud parent records, here are some of Hayes’ funniest words, to bring some joy and humor to your work week:

  • “The next time you go to Kroger, can you get Dixie cups with Frasier on them?”
  • “I have a new favorite TV show.  It’s called ‘The News.’”
  • “My joints are really bothering me today.  Must be rain coming.” (He spends a lot of time with his grandparents.)
  • “May I hazh an empty cup? I was gonna put ketchup in it and use it to paint somethin.” 
  • “I hazh an idea. How about you be Boris Yeltsin, I’ll be Gorbachops, and you walk through the door and act excited to see me.” 
  • “I need you to pick something up for me from CVS.  It’s called bubble gum.”
  • After seeing a bearded man go into Kroger on a motorized scooter: “Oh boy, Jesus sure is in a hurry today!”
  • “Today, let’s ride a real boat on a real river and go fishing from the boat with the fishing pole from my bathtub, and take some toys from my toy box and give them to the snakes in the water as presents for their birthdays, how bout that?!”
  • “I don’t know why it wouldn’t be fine with you if it’s fine with me. If it’s fine with me, it ought to be fine with you.”
  • “That’s not just mud. That’s MIRACLE mud.”
  • “I cannot pick up my toys. I am all out of injury.”
  • “I would like four pepperonis on my pizza.  Not three.  Not five.  And goat cheese.”
  • Waving his hands over his apple juice, “WINE.” “I said, WINE!!!” “What are you doing, Hayes?” “Oh just playing ‘Jesus’ but it’s not working.”
  • To a rowdy child at the playground: “You know, you’re not a bad kid, you just make bad choices.  If you did ABC Mouse it might help you to enjoy learning, and become nice.”
  • And my favorite: “God made you, and God loves you.”  

As you can see, I have my hands full, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  

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